A Letter to Girlbomb

Dear Janice Erlbaum,

I can’t even begin to imagine how much trouble I’d get in if my boss, or co-workers for that matter, knew I were writing my blog rather than finishing these marketing collateral graphics. But alas, this seems more important. I have a knack for needing to write when things are fresh in my mind, so here goes.

I sent you a message a few days ago asking for “permission” to send you my personal review/reflections on Have You Found Her. I did that imagining how incredible your inbox must be, overflowing with twenty-somethings like myself in search of their own I think I’VE found her in you. With that, I want to respect the fact that you seem so open and honest and heartfelt in responding, even via facebook. It’s pretty clear with that, and your memoirs, that you can’t help but want to be available, despite the fact that it might kick you in the ass or people might take advantage. So I write this with the hopes that you can trust me, unknowingly, that I’ve had my fair share of mentors, past and present — so I know how that works. This is not even really to kiss your ass. Only to let you know how your writing really gets through.

Truth is, I haven’t finished your book yet, so this is probably premature. I’m planning on coming to the reading later today, so I was hoping to have the excuse of giving you a read of mine to say hello. I never imagined being intimidated by a writer before. My dad is a full-time writer, so it really should be no big deal to approach one, or to avoid getting all tongue tied, afraid to miss the point.

I want to say this, despite the fact that I’m not done. I think your book so far, well quite obviously is a great follow up to Girlbomb. I am doubting you planned that, although it was probably well thought out once was all said and done. I secretly wish I had a before and after worth putting down, the later a mirror of the former. I’m sure I have it, we all do, I’m just still trying to find the right one to share. What I think I’m trying to say is that I love how Have You Found Her shows your change, how that shelter helped you, how you helped yourself, and most notably, your human want to help another do the same. From the reviews, it’s a shame I think I know how this book will end up. But you write brilliantly about both the beauty and what I assume, is the eventual hurt that comes from such a special relationship, like the one you had with Sam.

I guess Girlbomb hit me hard personally, because I was in a state of flux when I first picked it up at a beach book shop, not expecting it to impact and inspire me the way it did. Without going off on a ramble, what is so amazing to me about that memoir was your ability, at such a young age, to take note of right and wrong, to seek and protect yourself, despite whatever guilt or fear you felt, even to those you loved. Jake was a hard pull, but I guess you must have known in your heart that he’d be okay, and that you had to do what you had to do to be okay. There are times when I look back on my privileged, yet complicated (isn’t it always?) life and wish I’d had the strength, both back as a teenager/kid and now, to do what you did. And despite it being a book about a supposed runaway, your most recent work disputes that completely. You’ve spent your time in your city, flourished as a writer, found the right love, and are even whole enough to still believe in some form of unconditional love. I’ve seen people shut down left and right because these things are too hard, myself included. And because of that, I can’t help but feel that I’ve Found Her in you. The one I am working to be.

So through your writing, I think I’ve found a mentor. Which makes it even more incredible to me to be reading your first-hand account of how you’ve mentored in the past, how you’ve been taken for granted, and how even with that, you’re willing to respond and read from a random like me, which means you’re strong enough to continue to hope. Which is what I almost think it’s all about. The other day when I wanted to know straight from you that it’d get better, easier, more understood, without asking more of you than to just continue writing is because I’ve gotten so much from it, and from it alone. That’s almost all I need, out of respect to you. The story of Sam, if she did hurt you, is brave, just as Girlbomb was. Just as your moves to take care of yourself have been. You set an amazing example. I will read on. And I hope it’s okay that I plan to keep in touch and that you have someone out there just a tad jealous of all that you offered Sam.

-Rachel