Vigil

last night began at the arndt and stoffer house, with a celebration of tj’s first birthday. eric, jeff, lenny, laura, meredith, andrea…we were all there. eric eventually brought out his guitar and started singing john mellencamp with jeff, then cyndi lauper’s time after time a capella. i knew from then on it’d be a night full of stuff to remember…

laura, andrea and i then headed over to ogc where they were holding matt’s vigil. candles were laid out along the sidewalk leading up to the gate and into the pool deck area. we got there a bit late, so people were already gathered around in a half-moon watching a large screen slideshow of matt, his family, his friends, his science experiments, his girlfriend who also died…

we got there and stood for a few minutes, then i found a spot on the concrete, near jennifer sarah’s mom and dad. i leaned back and turned my head around just to see the faces that were there. i’m always amazed at who shows up to remember someone’s life. i can’t say there were many dry eyes, myself included. after the slides, we were told thanks for coming, and matt’s dad stood up and said the turn out was fabulous. what a strange word to use to describe that moment, but he was right. there were swim coaches from all era’s of ogc, from andrea and laura, to connie, to jon and daniel (who missed the vigil but i hear spoke earlier), even rmsc coaches like ken and dave mashburn, both of whom i haven’t seen in years. i got a hug from dave. what a fucked up time to see an old coach.

i don’t think i could ever forget the moment i had with greg karel. it probably stands out above everything else that occured last night, from the vigil to the debauchery afterwards. greg and i, at one point — and you have to understand he’s a freshman or sophomore in high school, like a little brother to me i’ve known since he was a little kid — just saw each other standing around, looking for someone to catch up with or hug or just offer more condolences to. greg and i found each other and just wrapped our arms around each other in the most meaningful silent hug i may have ever had. it said in absolutely no words what i could never say quite right, here. it said so sincerely and deeply that we’re all the luckiest bunch of people in the world to have grown up with a place like ogc, where people gather, no questions asked, no pushing or pulling needed, for something like this. it cuts so fucking deep we can’t even put it into words. whether matt was a best friend or a brother or a teammate we spoke with just here and there, he was home and family to us all. and without a second thought, we’d scoop his whole family up in our half-moon anyday…to be there for them…to let them know there’s nothing but love…

another moment that stood out i’ll have trouble expressing is when matt foley, another swimmer like a brother a few years my younger, told laura and i that they buried the ogc sheet with matt. the white bedsheet that eric, laura’s older brother, started as a tradition for ogc, to be passed down generation to generation, as a symbol of dedication, effort, boldness, character. matt foley telling laura and i that stuck like a knife in our hearts. it’s like saying we’ll all live with him forever, burying him with our blanket of love and appreciation, acknowledging that he deserves it completely. there’s almost nothing more we could have given him…

Matt & Katie

Last night was the second time in only a handful of weeks that I signed onto Facebook and landed my eyes on another “rest in peace, we’ll miss you forever” group that a slew of my OGC family/friends had created for someone who’d just passed. Just less than a month ago, Katie McManus, both a Walt Whitman alum a few years below me, and an OGC diver and swimmer, was found dead in St. Thomas after a jeep she was driving in stalled while going up a hill, then flipped over. Last night, it was “rest in peace Matt” for Matt Bowes, an ex OGC-er as well, and an RMSC swimmer, neighbor, kid I knew growing up…I called Leah Walpuck (another OGC-er) after finding the group, with her number as a contact. Matt had recently gotten his motorcyle license – was riding it a little too fast in Boston with his girlfriend in tow, they hit a tree. Died instantly. My mom said she saw his dad at the pool, Sunday, that same day Matt died. The same day as his sister’s birthday. God, how awful. And how horribly tragic. Thinking I’m going to head home for the vigil saturday night at OGC…

Welcome to NYC

i went out to dinner tonight with my friend susan and her friend mia from college. we went to this vietnamese restaurant near union square and i had my tofu dish before trotting off to re-visit the man we caught briefly before, on our way to the restaurant. susan and i went back to see if “the one man show” was still doing the one man show, which involved flips and talk and break dance spins on his head across a checkered sheet he’d laid out for his…one man show. he had a drummer buddy beating on down-turned buckets set up behind him, hitting rim shots along the edge like a salty margarita. an ever growing circle took over union square, if only for that little bit, for him. skaters all around. a djembe circle nearby. a crack/heroine addict swaying in and out of his performance, as if nothing could possibly be wrong with her interrupting him for a hug, yes, while he’s in the process of holding himself up sideways by the palm of his hands. maybe she needed that instant to carry her…like whatever she was on…

we continued walking up to 6th ave in search of a sports store, cause i’d decided within those minutes of that display, with skateboarders flipping all around, making their scrape-against-the-pavement noise they make best in union square, that the next thing i needed to do was get a skateboard myself. that, with black converse shoes and i’m just about sure i’ll balance out the corporate nature of my day job. some bleach? it’s almost too bad i got rid of my tongue ring before the interview…

…so while i continue to work on becoming some new version of me, as a recent transplant of new york city, my plan is to bring the hindsight to you here. i do this hesitantly because i’ve been against the idea of writing a blog, for the very reason that i think it’s a prematurely published piece that maybe shouldn’t be free, or even read at all. i think blogs are impulsive and overly available, which takes the quality out of the whole thing for me. it’s like we can all be seen, now go ahead and sift…

that said, i’m a hypocrit because here i am. if anything, i hope this will give me even more fervor to peck on my brain in search of words i like.

more soon. peace,

rach